ImagiNation

new rules for 2006

okay, so I did not come up with these. my mom sent me these, but i thought it was worth posting it.

• New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates. com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
• New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a " decaf grandehalf-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbreadcappuccino , extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and oneNutraSweet ," ooh , you're a huge asshole.
• New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn'tmake you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're notspiritual. You're just high.
• New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

posted by imagine @ 1:39 AM